carlin Quotes

“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”

“When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.”

“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”

“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

“If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”