leno Quotes

“CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.”

“Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.”

“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”

“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.”

“You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.”

“Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.”

“Politics is just show business for ugly people.”

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”

“You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.”

“Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”