youngman Quotes

“This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!”

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

“She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.”

“I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.”

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

“I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.”

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”